Tag: Henry

A funny thing happened on the dating site

It was time to reply to those messages from the boys who have got in touch with Amy over the week.   One of these was Henry, a freelance journalist who had been one of Amy’s favourites towards the end of last year but then dropped out of the picture completely.  At the time, she was still smarting a little over the break up with R and was determined not to appear too keen. Henry had then thought that she was not that in to him and decided not to be a nuisance.  They had stopped seeing each other, believing the other would make the next move.

So, late that Wednesday evening Amy sent a short and light hearted text to Henry asking how he was and if he fancied meeting up to catch up after such a long time, etc…  At 9am the following day, whilst Amy was having breakfast, she heard the ping of a message and sure enough it was Henry being apologetic for not keeping in touch but also enthusiastic about seeing her again.

When they met up he told her that he had taken a break from dating since their last encounter, being inundated at work with deadlines and new projects which saw him travelling as often as twice a month on week-long trips.  He anticipated a lull over the next few months and during that time they began seeing each other again, sometimes as often as twice a week, and occasionally for breakfast when work picked up and he was unable to see her in the evening.  Henry did not seem fazed when Amy told him about the new dating site she’d joined and how she’d created two profiles of women who were opposites of each other – one was a free spirit and into non-monogamy whilst the other wanted a soulmate within a conventionally exclusive relationship.  The former insisted that the men who wanted to meet her should not be jealous types whereas her alter ego practically confessed to being a potentially bunny boiling obsessive.  Of course the free spirit received more messages than the soulmate seeker despite the latter having a more attractive profile photo.

One evening, the monogamous mademoiselle, Ellie, received some messages from Henry which she had initially assumed was just light-hearted banter, believing that he knew Ellie was really Amy:

Henry: How hot is your bunnyboiler pot tonight?

Ellie: Hell hath no fury hot

Henry: Wow! That’s good, I prefer a quick end to a lingering simmer. Any herbs or flavourings for me?

Ellie: You have no bunnies as I recall … will legal owl taste good in my pot?

Henry: I’ve been a vegetarian for 37 years so prefer if that could be respected in my final moments? Glad (if a tad surprised) you are thinking about legalities at this point.  Does your bb warning put men off or excite us for a challenge do you find?

Ellie: Excited a few sufficiently to make enquiries. One chided me for making dating me sound problematic. teehee

Henry: And is it problematic? Have you met many? We are a 97% match and 0% enemy so scarily similar in our replies but what we write is pretty different!!

Ellie: Hmm MsEllie appears to be a contradiction. An enigma I’ve created. Who is the real me … It is problematic for the faint hearted. I met a Spaniard with aquamarine eyes but alas he was large and had smokers’ breath so I kissed him chastely and dropped him off at a tube station

Henry: Poor Spaniard with aquamarine eyes, or lucky to have escaped your pot and find another. You’re appealing to my adventurous side – want a drink this evening?

Ellie: Chez Ellie is child free this evening. Might you find your way there if you dare risk the bb pot?

Henry: Where do you live, madamoiselle?

Ellie: north London

Henry: c’est assez grande nord londres et c’est beaucoup de femmes a chercher pour te trouver

Ellie: ah well

Henry: quelle postcode ou quelle village? Je suis a Dalston.

Ellie: Finchley 

Henry: What’s your real name?

Ellie: Ms Ellie

Henry: Where would you like to meet?

Ellie: Chez Ellie

Henry: Where is that? You seem similar to someone nice I met! Are you!?

Ellie: you knew that, you numpty!

It wasn’t until two weeks later that Henry confessed to Amy that he had really been hoping to meet up with “Ellie”, not realising initially she was the same woman as Amy and felt foolish that he had been caught flirting with her.   Amy in turn felt foolish that she hadn’t guessed that Henry was sincere in his overtures towards Ellie.  Whilst they both dined out on this story, nevertheless Amy had felt a twinge of jealousy that Henry might want to meet (and shag) other women besides her.  You, reader might quite rightly think this was rich coming from someone who had herself been sleeping with upwards of ten different men in the past fortnight but the fact was that during their entire dating relationship Amy had been the only woman Henry had slept with (or so he had told her) and she was wary of how introducing another woman or two into the dynamic might affect his feelings for her.

Moreover, as one of her friends pointed out – perhaps Henry was merely dallying with her whilst being on the lookout for “the One” – the thought had crossed Amy’s mind before but it had been a tad too upsetting for a number of reasons – she doubted she was capable of sustaining a long term relationship in the light of her past failures and getting too attached to just one man could add a lot of unnecessary stress to that relationship leading to an eventual break up.  Her formula of polyamory seems to be working at the moment and she was just a little reluctant to change it.  Now, though, now that it would appear that Henry might want to meet other women besides her, this has caused Amy to pause and reflect on her dating strategy.

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