The third week of batshit crazy dating

There’s a certain appeal about having a rendezvous at a hotel.  When Alex read about my hotel adventures the idea took his fancy and he arranged for me to meet him at the bar of the Park Plaza Hotel on Westminster Bridge.  What made this date a little exciting was the fact that we were meeting up at 1pm for an afternoon of promised debauchery.   I hadn’t had afternoon sex in nearly a year and this one had the added titillating factor of a hotel assignation.  I relished dressing up for the part in a mini skirt and French seam stockings whose tops could be glimpsed along with bare thigh flesh when I sat down and crossed my legs.  Alex’s excitement was clear in his eyes and voice which cracked a little when he asked oh-so solicitously if I’d like to leave my coat and bag in his room before lunch.  I knew what his intention was and sure enough as soon as the doors closed behind us on the lift his kisses became more amorous.

He led the way to his room and the chambermaids in the corridor cast disapproving looks in my direction.  Stiletto heels are a giveaway that the wearer must be a hooker?  When we emerged an hour later the same chambermaids were loitering at the lift lobby and their look was of pure disdain.  Internally I grinned at the deception I had pulled off.  Any Asian woman dressed in a miniskirt and stilettos must automatically be up to no good in their eyes – and of course having sex with someone I’d just met must be a bad, bad thing. After lunch we returned to the room and he ravished me a second time.  It wasn’t as good as the first and we spoke briefly about his taking viagra the next time we might meet.  I only know one other guy I was dating briefly last year who very thoughtfully took the little blue pill whenever he was meeting up with me.  The sex had been divine with him being in a constant state of priapic readiness which I took advantage of between pauses and there were several repeat sessions throughout the night to the extent that I would be quite sleep deprived the following day.  Sadly he stopped seeing me because he felt disappointed that he couldn’t feel any emotional connection when engaged in coitus.  I had got a little attached to him and when the relationship petered off I felt just a little heartbroken. With Alex it was only our first date and I think my heart is quite safe now that it has had so much practice at detachment.


A few days after meeting Alex I was contacted by Conrad.

Hi Amy,

I never get jealous. 

Yes, my profile does say I’m looking for a relationship but I’m also open to other ways and I love that you know what you want and go for it and I really do not get jealous.

Respectfully, Conrad.

We met in Hampstead and went into the cafe/bar at the Everyman Cinema where Conrad rather astonished me by his extreme right wing views and Christian values.  He also professed that he was hoping I might be a typical bitch of a woman which he would find sexually provocative.  Unfortunately I was merely amused at this man who seemed determined to provoke me into an argument.  After about half an hour of listening to his drivel where he hurled statistics at me to justify UKip’s election promises and appeal I felt I had to bid him good night and stop wasting my precious evening talking with a man who was obviously confused as to what he was looking for or doing with his time.  If he was looking for a significant other what was he doing arranging a date with me and then proceeding to ruin the date by trying to provoke me with every single word he uttered? Was this a form of neg-ging?  The method clearly did not work in his favour as I firmly shook his hand and made my swift departure.  The following day I received a message from Conrad:-

Hi Amy,

It was nice talking to you the other day. Thank you for meeting me. 

I think you are a very sweet person and I like your voice. I don’t think I want to be in a relationship of any kind (romantic/physical) where the other is dating and sleeping with a stable of guys. Ironically it would be different if you were a bitch as then it would be attractive but it just feels odd when a sweet person does that 😉

Anyway I just wanted to say that you are a nice person and good luck. 

Regards, Conrad.


Last night I made an impromptu date after an exchange of messages with Joe.

Well I never get jealous….you sound interesting though. Up to much today?

Having a restful family filled day. Thanks for messaging. Your profile suggests you’re a fairly normal guy which is all good  I think

I’m fairly normal but with an adventurous side. And a family filled evening?

I might be tempted out … depending on what’s on offer So how long have you been on this site?

Am planning on going up to Tate Modern this evening – I think a couple of years but lose interest occasionally. How about you?

This is my third week. What’s happening at the Tate modern tonight?

Marlene Dumas exhibition

Sounds interesting. Just googled it. Are you a fan or is it the subject matter that interests you?

I like modern art and this looks interesting. How about you? Is art interesting or do you worry this is pretentious?

not at all – i never worry about pretensions. i usually like to read about the background to how stuff/art gets created and also see if i feel anything about it.

I don’t do so much reading – but then I’m a man eh? Would you be interested in coming?

what time are you going to be there?

Maybe 7.30 or 8

i might mosey Tate M wards about 7 … perhaps we might bump into each other there

Well if you want to see the exhibition and don’t want to pay I can take someone in for free

Mind, you could also pay and help fund the Tate eh? 

I’m not exactly flushed so would be grateful for a free ticket

Well it wouldn’t cost me anything so it is what some might call a win-win situation?

Fab. See you at the entrance to the exhibition at about 8 ish then?

Cool – looking forward to it – better than going on my own anyway  By the way my name is Joe

Hi Joe Amy’s mobile no. is 0*********6

And Joe’s is 0*********6

When we met we both liked the exhibition and we also found that we shared similar life experiences as we stayed chatting at the members’ room on the top with a view of St Paul’s and the river until we were thrown out at 10.  Outside we went to two pubs staying at each until closing. On the way he told me what he did which involved looking closely at sex toys.  I wondered if this was a chat up line as he seemed to be really good at spinning many tales.  I do enjoy fantastical stories and was quite happy to pass an evening with a fairly good looking man keen to impress and charm.

It was getting later and later and we were both suppressing yawns until finally there were no more drinking establishments open and we went into London Bridge station where he kissed me goodbye and we went our separate ways with promises to arrange a second date.

I found that I’d missed the last train north and had to take a night bus home – a first for me in decades!  The early hours of the morning were filled with young people who had been out far too late as I had and as we approached the West End I was surprised at the amount of traffic on the roads.  Taxis and cars jostled along with buses and there were hoards of pedestrians on the pavements – it could’ve have been any other time in the day and not 2am!

The following day he invited me to dinner at his at 7 and he made a simple no frills meal of salmon and mash with some plain broccoli.  We had some Bordeaux, one he’d already opened and another which I’d brought.  It was another coincidence which he remarked on.  We sat and talked in the living room, played with his tortoise Star and admired his two goldfish.  Eventually he took me to his bed.  I left and drove home a little just after 10 and wondered if I should continue to see Joe again as a number of factors counted against having him as a regular lover: the distance, lack of spark in the bedroom and once we’d found out about each other there didn’t seem to be anything else to talk about …

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