When I read this post by eledette I thought how apt it was a description of me – I have those contacts I can call on who will provide me with the necessary ego boosts, both emotionally and physically. And until the break up with R I hadn’t been in touch with them as much … but since, they’ve been quite constant and help to take away the sting of rejection.
She always keeps exactly two contacts in her phone. Any more than two men she feels overwhelmed. Any less, she feels anxious. These are the men she calls upon when the urge becomes too strong. When reinforcements are required to do the job she can no longer do on her own. She needs to feel a man’s body against her own. The sensation of her own body sliding up and down a man’s body. She needs a man. And these men understand her.
But lately she has been avoiding them both. Dodging calls. Ignoring texts. Avoiding places of mutual interest. You see, she loosens the grip on these two men because she now shares her heart with another man. But although she is in love, she does not release the grip. Why? Only she knows. Perhaps she doesn’t want to believe in true love. Deep down where insecurities, fears, and self-doubts ambush her beliefs…
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