musings

i’ve now been dating since May this year – if i’m honest with myself it all arose as an ego-boosting exercise.  when the last live-in lover and i agreed to split up we had initially foreseen just getting together for sex – we had always been good together in bed.  and then after a few weekends of this he said he needed time alone to think about what he needed, that sex-only was not enough for him.  so he went away for about a month and when he came back at the beginning of the year we started the weekend shagging all over again a couple of times and then he disappeared off over easter.  when he came back he had decided that perhaps we should stop shagging altogether.

of course my ego took a huge hit which was why i signed up and met the first one.  even as i enjoyed the giddy highs of getting to know him and becoming a little too emotionally attached, he was already a seasoned player on the dating scene and was creating a safe distance.  eventually i realised how liberating it was to have a lover who did not have enough time for me as it left the field open to play away.

i discovered what i liked or didn’t like about men and became more attuned to signals we send each other.  i’m not so good at letting the disappointing ones go – those with massive egos keep on trying to reconnect.  thank heaven for the block feature on iphone!  i was beginning to get quite bored with all this dating malarkey when i met this more recent one. all of a sudden i began to cancel dates i’d made.  At the same time though, I also felt that i had better stop myself from becoming too attached and getting hurt all over again.  and so i didn’t cancel the arrangement on Friday evening with the first one.  I’d talked it over with a colleague, bemoaning the fact that he hadn’t been in touch.  perhaps i should cancel the date with him and invite somebody else.  as though he’d realised what was going through my mind i suddenly heard from him again

Monday evening

Him:

about Friday … fancy dinner first?

Me:

let’s see – maybe a quick bite – will text you when done at work.

we chat about this and that and then

Me:

it was nice to hear from you – slumber beckons, so i bid you good night x

Him:

Nigh night x

Friday morning  

Him:

Looking forward to tonight. Where shall we meet?

Me:

Somewhere near the theatre I suppose. It’ll prolly take me 35 mins to get to Waterloo …

Him:

Ok. What time then?

Me:

6 ish? I could leave from work @5.20 ish. There’s usually somewhere to eat around the NT

Him:

Ok ill book something. Meet me at the fire station pub at six

he took me to a lovely, busy tapas bar where we had a really enjoyable evening just catching up on news and experiences.  we had about an hour before it was time to race to the theatre, seating ourselves with barely minutes to spare before it began. it was a stunning production of the last of the james plays, one which has a lot of underlying nuances in the dialogue relevant to recent current events, still germane despite the immediate negative response to the question of scottish independence.  the scale of the historical period was contained within the domestic drama of the relationship between the king and his queen margaret.  what impressed me was her steadfast loyalty and love for her king in the face of all his flaws and imperfections.  what did scotland do to deserve such a queen!

at the end of the show he had to rush home to prepare to receive his young sons and i returned home to mine.

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